the dirty thirties here. we. go.

Protected: #11 (of an evening)

#10 (in which i behave like a 16 year old)

i wonder, if blogs had existed when i was a ridiculous teenager would i still have notebooks and t-shirts covered with lyrics?

in any case, here is the song obsession du jour:

Ready To Start by The Arcade Fire

businessmen drink my blood
like the kids in art school said they would
and i guess i’ll just begin again
you say that we can still be friends

if i was scared i would
and if i was bored you know i would
and if i was yours but i’m not

all the kids have always known
that the emperor wears no clothes
but to bow to down to them anyway
is better than to be alone

if i was scared i would
and if i was bored you know i would
and if i was yours but i’m not

now you’re knocking at my door
saying please come out with us tonight
but i would rather be alone
than pretend i feel alright

if the businessmen drink my blood
like the kids in art school said they would
then i guess i’ll just begin again
you say can we still be friends

if i was scared i would
and if i was pure you know i would
and if i was yours but i’m not

now i’m ready to start

if i was scared i would
and if i was pure you know i would
and if i was yours but i’m not

now i’m ready to start

now i’m ready to start
i would rather be wrong
than live in the shadows of your song
my mind is open wide
and now i’m ready to start

now i’m ready to start
my mind is open wide
now i’m ready to start
not sure you’ll open the door
to step out into the dark
now i’m ready

#9 (古人说）

人家气我，我不气；
我若生气中他计。
气坏身体没人替；
想想还是别生气！

#8 (before backdating)

dear universe,

thank you.

yours gratefully,
‘stee

#7 (a haiku for work)

eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs
copy-paste alt-tab click-click-click
thank gourd it’s friday

#6 < grr argh >

today i kicked my own arse six ways to friday.

by which i mean i did 8 hours of a day job, websiting for a giant monied corporation. then i seo-ed a friend’s small business. then i hacked the TINA website so it doesn’t look so terribly out of date. and tomorrow morning i web-monkey some more.

i know times are bad, and that i have to be patient, and that i’ve only been back a little over 6 months. i know i should be grateful i’ve had freelance and contract work, and i am; i’m very grateful for every bit of work i get, and thankful for the people who continue to look out for me work-wise. but i am also anxious, frustrated, lost and stuck all at once. so i’m going to let myself say it, but i’m only going to say it once:

hey, universe; i’m a damn good worker. where the hell is my job stability already.

</grr argh>

#5 (things i am grateful for today)

• 11 hours of (paid!) work; with the variety bonus of being 2 very different jobs.
• feet that will ache and give me hell, but can survive almost 3 solid hours of being on them while shod in heels. (not silly stilettos, mind you, but still. not flat.)
• modern plumbing. seriously. standing under a strong, steady curtain of water that will stay warm while you slough off the aches from your flesh and the greasy stress in your hair – that is a privilege, my friends; a privilege and a pleasure.
• a soft bed to climb into and pass out in. which i will do presently. goo’night.

#4 (even as your lungs are heaving from the effort of trying not to implode.)

running is a worthwhile exercise if only to be reminded of the clean deliciousness of water and what a privilege it is to live in a place where you can drink it straight from a tap.

likewise, disciplining yourself to follow a training regimen is worthwhile for the 5 minutes immediately after the completion of each set distance, when you are fucking mistress of your body machine.

#3 (ophimicleide…saxamaphone…)

how, in all my years of MEP, did i never come across this instrument? i saw and heard it for the first time tonight at the launch of campbelltown arts centre’s music program for 2010.

it’s like a cross between a wind instrument and a brass one. instead of valves it has keys (not unlike a saxophone) but it still uses a cupped mouthpiece. (which means it’s played with a brass embouchure/by buzzing, i think.)

it has a lovely sound – richer than any wind instrument i’ve ever heard, but mellower than the brassy..well, brass. have a listen to these. i might have to get the album they’re on.

#2

up and down, up and down
i am bobbing

waiting.