so anna and i went to coles at randwick to buy stuff to bring to make pizza. we park in the basement, and from the carpark you walk up one ramp, turn the corner and continue up the next stretch of ramp to get to the shopping level. a million times, i’ve walked up this [...]

stimulated to the point of overload, presented with perspectives never before experienced. theoretically you’re equipped to handle it all, but you’re increasingly aware that practically, you could very well fuck up and die. in the year-long hurtle towards your thesis deadline, a constant alternation between exhiliration and fear.

plans are good.
project up in a week, annotated bibliography in two.
breathe. breathe.
as lofty would say, you’ve talked about it; now do it.
*
can you make an artwork of process?
*
all i know right now is that i don’t know enough.

as she repeatedly resisted being woven into their perfectly planned futures of warm weather, quiet sea-side communities and the next generation of offspring
as she tried to fend off their well-meaning projections with the continual assertion that she didn’t know and she wasn’t sure
as she tried to keep her paths open without appearing to reject theirs [...]

a new way of expressing an age old need.
pissed off with everything and most of all yourself? don’t want to get chucked in jail for trashing a joint or bashing someone’s head in?
need to exact some violence? run. as far and as fast as your pain threshold and agitation allow. fight and flight in the [...]

i have lost the ability to understand. anything, anyone. i can no longer translate. even notes on a score, each note an indication of one specific thing (which key to hit on the piano) i cannot effectively translate into my actually, physically, hitting the right keys to make the sound i know in my head [...]

manitoba, skunks
i really like the sampled frog.
you have yet to recommend me something i haven’t taken to pretty much straight away.
you are a veritable treasure trove. thank you for acquainting me with such a variety of strange and wonderful things.
i await a sampling of this spongebob of which you so enthusiastically speak.

even if it means stabbing my eyes out myself. the pencils are at the ready.
i think i’ve lost the ability to read. i look at a page and the words are autonomous entities that won’t communicate. they sit distantly and stare at me, skinny silent patterns, dignified and inscrutable as hieroglyphs. the print starts to [...]

until i finish archive fever.
in a moment of shared anxiety we wondered: are we on track? are we behind? are we moving at a quick enough pace?

the stirrings in your chest, the incoherent babblings of your unspoken mind.
in an attempt to displace what you cannot control, you distract with
assailing
your lungs, liver and ears.
cigarettes, alcohol and the erratic poundings of a bass line.
observing, she thought
self-destruction is a first-world privilege.